Sometime I would love to just close my eyes and fall into a deep fantasy, a place where everything goes just as it should and my life is nothing but pure bliss. Once I willingly enter into this fantasy I would never fight it or look for a way back. Every moment would be a blessing I would enjoy.
It’s humiliating for me to share what I’m going through in terms of my parental relationship to my son. The verbal abuse I am subject to leaves me with an overwhelming feeling of shame. Talking about your child that verbally abuses you feels like a taboo subject as the parent. As someone living in this situation, I do understand how it makes you feel when you see the looks on people’s faces when you tell them about what you’re going through.
In the 2004 *American Association of Behavioral Social Science Journal, Brigham Young University reported the results from a study that they did on parent abuse being on the Rise. Their study showed that over 82% of children who abuse their parents generally heap that abuse only on the Mother. The study also indicated that you have the highest chance as a Mother for being verbally or physically if you are single, and 11% of the children who abuse their parent are 10 years or younger. Finally, the study showed that the peak age of abuse usually happened between 15-17 years of age and the sex of the child did not matter, other than the girls were usually verbally abusive and that boys tend to resort to physical abuse.
When reading these results, two things came to mind. First, I hate being perceived as weak, yet the children prey on single Mothers because they view them as weak people. This really heats me up. My second thought was that the abuse, physical or verbal, peaks at 15-17 years of age. Sadly, this doesn’t give me much hope that my next 5 years will bring any kind of relief from this hell I am in.
I have confided in friends and family, and they all respond by telling me that it isn’t my fault. But the reality is that, yes, if you research it seems that it is possible that this behavior could be the result of something seen on the television or a movie, possibly even music, still more times than not it the result of a nonexistent relationships due to an absent parent, drug or alcohol abuse, fear, not having adequate role models, etc. It is also interesting to note that while there are many websites discussing abuse they are usually written about parents abusing children and not about a child abusing the parent. You can find all kinds of information about what the short and long-term effects are on parents who abuse their child. What about a child who is abusive toward their parent? How should the parent deal with it? What are the short and long-term effects on the parent and child? These are real scenarios that have questions needing answers, despite how taboo it may be .
I have dealt with this abuse for, at least, the past 2 years. At first it was physical abuse and then it turned into the non-stop stream of verbal abuse. Sometimes I feel like my life is comparative to a 30 second Vine video, you start it and then it replays over and over again. I obviously have not stumbled upon the answer to fixing this behavior, which is why I’m writing about it. I try my hardest to stay positive and to avoid the vicious verbal cyclone as much as possible. It is very upsetting because of the toll it takes on my relationship with my son. I don’t enjoy spending time with him anymore, and as a result he’ll be missing out on things that I may have done with him. I find myself gravitating to other people’s children, lavishing attention on them and doing the nice things with them that I am unable to do for my child. It is refreshing to hear a child say thank you, laugh about something or just the overall feelings of appreciation that warms my heart. I wish that there was an answer, a way to mend the way my son feels about me.
Unfortunately, I’m beginning to believe that the best that I have to hope for is that I make it through this trying times alive.
*Robinson, P.W., et al. (2004). “Parents Abuse on the Rise”. A Historical Review.