Father Of The Year… ‘Insert laughter Here’

Lets give it up for the father of the year! You’re the man that was there from the start, never missing the good night hugs when sending your child off to bed. The man who worked countless hours to give our child everything he wished for. You have been there for the good times and bad times, committed to loving our child and creating the best lifestyle you can. You have shown that failure is never an option for you by always making sure your relationship with our child thrives. Our child anticipates the moment you come home from work, the moment you will wrap your arms around him and give him a hug like it is your last. You play, cuddle and support our child. You’re a loving commendable father with honorable qualities who deserves recognition for the unconditional love you give our child. The way you have never quit on our child, and how you realize just how much your influence shapes the man he will be in the future.  I commend you.

Oh wait, stop! Shit, whats your name again? Oh, how embarrassing for me.  Not you! You’re not that man. I haven’t found that kind of man yet but I will. You’re the man that walked out on your son to “do it right” with a loose woman and your child with her. Your the man that missed your son’s first step, first word, first everything. You’re the man that doesn’t have any idea what your child’s dreams are nor what his nightmares are. You’re the man, after 12 years of being a father, doesn’t even know your child’s favorite color or the song that makes him jump up and dance like he is three again. And the only excuse you can give is that you were busy with your girlfriend. You have missed it all, granted now you see him regularly if you can call ‘seeing him’ as you in the living room and him in his bedroom. High five to you there ‘father’.

Even though our son does things to get under my skin, we fight regularly, and he is rude to me, I forgive him. This is what you have created. All this child wants is love and attention from his father and because your inadequate I take the brunt. I forgive you for being a dead beat because I am going to find someone that can be there for not only our son but me too, when I need a little support with parenting. Someone who won’t just talk about being there for the two of us but a person who can sense the moment that him or support. Someone who, when I call and tell them that our son was lighting matches in his bedroom and melted a plastic cup which caused me to go into panic trying to find out what was on fire, and when our son is caught lying to me until I back him into the corner and then belittles me, I will have a person who will show concern and make an effort to be on my side and support me during troubled times. This person would not listen to my situation, say “He shouldn’t be doing it in the house only outside. MAYBE I will call tonight and talk to him,” and then in the next breath say it has been a long time since they’ve seen action in the bedroom, then ask me if I want to ‘visit’ him. This conversation would never happen! My response to that conversation is, not EVER and that is not the purpose of the call, CLICK!

I’m a horrible mother! I can’t believe I have been trying to look options for haveing another child. I don’t even deserve the one I have laying next to me sleeping. When I think about what I have done to my son by choosing this man that calls himself father I close my eyes and wish I could drift away so he can have a mother he deserves, one who would never have burdened him with a man like that as his father. When I’m alone I cry myself to sleep and this will forever be my punishment…..

I’m disgusted with this situation and myself.

Picture Source:  http://www.flickr.com/photos/web4camguy/4719098478/

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