OMG! I Need To Let Go!

I was working on changing the furnace filters at my job this morning and I was having a little trouble getting the metal cage to slip back into the unit, an employee came up to me and asked me to move so that he could take a look. Once he touched the metal cage it just magically went back into the unit and the task was completed. Why do I have such a hard time letting go of the notion I am all alone when it comes to everything in my life? Why can I not get through what feels like a road block in my brain? I want to be able to look across the room and ask whoever is there that I need them to help me? ‘Help’ shouldn’t feel like a dirty word. I have always used my ‘crutch’ (I have been doing it on my own for 12 years) when I would be asked why I don’t ask for help or even accept it. Receiving help also makes me feel like I am letting someone get to close. I know, weird right! I dislike myself at times, there are so many things I do need help with but I just can’t make myself ask.

I blame my father for this ridiculous independent attitude he instilled in me. I have been let down so many times that completing tasks on my own is the best way to avoid the disappointment. I will speak to someone and they will say they want to do something or they want to help but it seems a few days or weeks later, they don’t move on it, they don’t make the effort to fulfill what shortly before they were preaching to me about.

If I let my guard down and depend on someone else they will let me down. Maybe I should try shutting this thought out and remembering that asking for help may indeed be beneficial to the person who I ask. Recognizing their strengths by asking could actually be better for them, making the person feel good about themselves. Something for me to think about as I move on with my day.
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