If it makes you happy why do you run from it? If it makes you happy it can’t be that bad, right? You don’t realize it but you are working hard to avoid your feelings. You have been making your list and checking it daily when the happiness creeps in to rein yourself back into your deep dark hole you live in. Letting yourself go and be happy, why would you do that? You believe this is just putting you in a situation which would lead you to crushing your happiness and leaving you hurting. I hate to tell you that you’re wrong. Everything you touch by just your presence is made just a little brighter, you are a wonderful loving person if you just let the ‘happy’ in. You don’t have to open up, you just have to let it in.