Words pass your lips and find there way to my ears, please stop speaking. Your hurting me, with every word your slowly drowning me. At first the words passing your lips mesmerized me, made me open my eyes to things I never knew or thing I knew but needed someone to unlock. I pushed your last words to me aside, I filed it under the ‘opinion’ file in my mind. Even though I did this I couldn’t stop thinking about it. I chose not to ‘read’ to much into your words until I opened a book, flipped through the pages to only land on chapter 10. ‘Martyrdom: “Maybe it’ll be my turn someday”, unbeknownst to me this would be the moment my life would change, my view of myself would crumble and I would find myself drowning.
Martyr, is that how you view me? Someone that believes my unasked for generosity is because I’m trying to use it as leverage to make me irreplaceable? Do you believe I rationalize my generosity as my ability to sacrifice without needing anything in return but my intent is actually to receive reciprocal nurturing? That is what chapter 10 states. Does everyone view me as this chapter claims?
As words pass your lips and find their way to my ears, they change my life. As I read the words printed on these pages and my mind processes them, they change my life.
These overwhelming feelings of emotions take over my mind. I find myself comparing this moment to the movie: ‘”The Truman Show” where he lived his life thinking he was one thing to only find out he wasn’t, it was all a lie, a television show created by someone’s imagination.
Has my generosity all been a lie, something I created with my imagination?
Picture Credit: http://m.flickr.com/#/photos/belboo/3799669408/sizes/m/