So you think I shit on love?

Have you ever had a moment when you’re talking to a friend and they make a point that you can’t pretend you didn’t hear? At the time you are forced to face what they said and run it through your mind trying to find a way to prove them wrong? This dreadful thing happened to me today. I am sitting on my bed leaning on my headboard desperately trying to prove her wrong.

She believes that I only see what I want to see when it comes to relationships I have with men. She also believes that right now I am missing out on a man that would be perfect for me. A man she can see me with for the rest of my life. Now I had to check her temperature as this was the complete opposite of what she has been preaching to me about him. As she spoke it seemed that she had everything worked out in her mind and as I found, she did.

She asked me if I thought he had changed over the past year and I replied with a yes. Everything about him had changed, he was a completely different person to me. She replied to my statement with ” nothing had changed about him”. She went on to say he was everything I always thought he was. Kind, smart and the man I always believed in. Where she came up with what I thought was a mystery, I had never stated those things and never actually thought about what I thought of him. She believes I just never wanted to see what was really standing in front of my face. If I admitted I seen these things then I would have to let go of what I was used to and comfortable with. I would have to confront what could happen between the two of us. I would have to stop sleeping with only people I didn’t love and loving only the people I wouldn’t sleep with. I had to let go and take the chance that he could hurt me. I had to open my eyes to see the things I have subconsciously forced myself to overlook. I needed to let go and jump feet first as love was a choice, it doesn’t just happen. I needed to give to this person without contemplating if he was going to reciprocate those feelings or if he was going to hurt me. I had to tell him what I was feeling in the moment, all the time. I had to open up and give him the opportunity to do one or the other.

It’s always easier for the person on the outside to believe they see things so clearly.

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