The Raw Honest Truth – Unedited

I’m sick of feeling like I’m carrying almost all of my relationships with people!

I hate thinking I need to or having to read between the lines. It’s so pointless and it gives me a headache!

I’m sick of feeling that my generosity is a damn burden to people!

I’m mad that I have such a short term memory that I can’t remember half the time I was even mad and for why!

I’m sick of feeling that I’m the worst Mother on the face of the planet!

I’m sick of always holding it together because someone’s ingrown toe nail is made to be more important!

I’m mad that I got drunk and said something that I probably should have .. No, I should have kept to myself. I wouldn’t feel like everything I do is being related to that statement.

I’m sick of having a caring personality that everyone throws back in my face!

If I could I would move away and start over!

I’m sick of being stereotyped!

Sometimes it would be nice if I had someone that could see my pain without me telling them (because that won’t happen) and would just grab my hand and squeeze as a silent gesture that everything will be alright. Not everything has to be spoken nor does everything need a long drawn out therapy session talk!

I’m sick of being the sober one that has to be subjected to the drunk with the nasty ‘I hate everything and everyone’ attitude. Not my fault I can move on and don’t think complaining or reliving it 800 times will make things better.

I’m mad that some can make me into a sobbing idiot!

I’m embarrassed that my kid acts the way he does and my friends know about it. I know it’s my fault they know but that doesn’t change the fact that I feel everyone is essentially judging my parenting abilities and overall me as a person.

I’m sick of planning everything! It would be nice to be surprised once in awhile!

I do so much stuff my friends don’t even know about because they never ask.

I am sick of always feeling the responsibility to answer the phone, return calls or text messages when I don’t receive the same courtesy.

I hate when I can’t make some people see how wonderful they are and how much I need them by my side.

I hate how I can’t tell some people how I really feel.

I’m sick of some reading to much into what I say… Sometimes the statement is just a statement.

I’m mad that people say there going to do something and don’t do it!

I hate feeling like the pointless one.

I’m mad I can’t seem to get a good nights sleep anymore. I’m so restless.

I find myself PISSED OFF that there is someone that I find myself immediately wanting to text or call to tell what happened in my life serious or stupid. *i don’t though.. Well not always… Normally I type it and delete it.

I am sick of feeling like a burden when I need help or support with something. And the sad part is I rarely ask!

I’m mad that some have made me question my views on relationships.

Now ‘mad’ and ‘sick’ are probably the wrong words to use because I will get up tomorrow and still help someone, still listen to someone’s problems, still care, still pick up the phone and ask how their day went. I will be there when they need me or need something. I will still plan and ask if someone wants to do something, I will still be the strong shoulder to lean on , I will still race to the phone to answer it and still return texts and voicemails in a timely fashion. I will be the same person I have been for years, I won’t change because I care to deeply and I’m vested even if there are some that aren’t.

At some point in everyone’s lives they will have a moment where they are just ‘sick of it all’…. This was my moment… My raw honest moment…

The best part is you don’t know who I am so you can’t read to much into my ‘moment’ nor hold this ‘moment’ against me.

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3 thoughts on “The Raw Honest Truth – Unedited

  1. Keep going……
    This is your death….

    BIG SMILE STARE…
    you’re so amazing. I feel you & have been very concerned about you this evening.

    You said so yourself that this transformation would be difficult. Yep. Ben there. And right when you think you’ve got it licked, the final dagger of self is delivered. It’s amazing.

    Trust. Remember.

    It will be ok. HE is guiding this. It is time for you to be GREAT. HE has called upon you.

    You are loved more than you understand.

    With my highest honors,
    Me

    Like

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