“Sometimes the best blog is the unedited raw words typed onto the screen that one digs out of the deepest part of their brain.” – Casey King
Let’s talk about sex. If your not interested this is your chance to click the back button and find something that interests you. No hard feelings. I’m going to start typing and what ends up on the screen will be what it is. I find this type of blogging to be a freeing experience. Now that the disclaimer is out of the way lets get on with it.
I have had many sexual experiences and they have all been different in one way or another but with my friend, this new casual once in awhile experience that I have been involved in frustrates me like no other. Sometimes when I think about it in a whole I feel the need to punch a wall. I know, ‘how ridiculous Casey’ but shit, I’m not used to it not flowing just right. What does ‘not flow right’ mean, I don’t know if I can explain it to you since I can’t seem to figure it out. My sexual encounters have always been about convenience. This one random sexual partner is convenient but it lacks that rip my clothes off and even if it only lasts five minutes, that five minutes consists of beating the orgasm out of me, causing me to awake the next morning aching. Shit that’s the best part when you wake up and your small aches makes you relive your orgasm all over again. Let’s analyze this situation in more detail and see why I think my friend doesn’t really ‘want’ to sleep with me, this is just convenience at its most purest state. Sex seems to be as incidental as us watching television together.
I believe but I do have a very bad memory at times that I told him I like it ruff. When I’m in the bedroom I am very submissive, I like being dominated. Freaking tell me what to do, throw me around, and damn it pull my hair and get that damn orgasm out of me even if you have to beat me. I think he maybe a very oral based sexual partner, not sure yet and I probably could ask him, but I’m not going to. If it was going to be a regular thing, then I would ask. I believe though he may not realize his dick could be dangerous and his dick and a clit vibrator that could be explosively dangerous.
When I’m doing something to someone, no matter what it is, then you should be doing something to me like pulling my hair, do you see the pattern yet? And when in a situation you can be, then be loud! I’m loud during sex and when I orgasm or am about to 50% of the time my leg shakes! it’s very weird. He is quiet at times way to quiet, though the other day I was shocked when he said my name and when I was finished actually complimented me.
If the convenient factor had a hint of ‘want’ then things would happen. Let me give an example. Two people are alone and plan on staying together then when you reach the bedroom the male should be pushing the woman down and going for it, yet this isn’t how it works for us. It’s a slow process. Why? Hell I don’t know, if I did I would change it. Maybe I should turn more dominant in the bedroom but I don’t know if I could be as I still have that part of my brain questioning his ‘want’ factor. I image us sexually assaulting each other, having those ‘don’t do that’ thoughts but really your saying “DO IT” over and over in your head!
I’m an under thinker in the bedroom, I clear my mind of everything seconds into it, never worried about how it will be or if I will do it right, I just let go and learn from whatever happens. I think he is a over thinker. I think he is thinking the whole time, probably judging the whole situation. I have thought about sex with him and I believe it could end up being dangerously amazing. Just thinking about it brings out my cavewoman libido warming my body. I find myself having spikes in my pulse at times when he is standing in front of me. He has this gaze that is so commanding, direct, just so intense. It makes me want to rip his clothes off! This is probably how he draws in all his women he has.
I envision him holding my jaw kissing me forcefully, that forceful kiss he does on my neck and shoulder that could melt my panties right off. I’ve never experienced that bite he does and it’s a freaking amazing feeling. Then running his powerful hands down my body forcefully and just gripping my thighs with all is power. When he goes down on me I have this overwhelming need to be possessed by him. This is probably the reason why I tare him up! I can definitely say that he has ruined it for every man that try’s their hand at it down the road.
This is all unnerving at times. As you can see my brain thinks these thoughts that surely violates some mental friendship code of some sort. Our friendship could be seen as a relationship where we at random times have a spontaneous laps of judgement.
He is a great friend, handsome and intriguing when he smiles. His presence feels easy and natural. The one thing that I’m sure of is his calm and strong presence laying next to me gives me the best rest I have ever had. I’ve thought about offering him money once a month to sleep next to me for one night, just so I can get the deep comfortable well rested sleep he gives me unknowingly. I can’t do that though because his ego would probably expand so much, his head may explode. Oh and if I told him he probably, no he would laugh at me.
As I stated earlier this is going to be posted unedited but my ending thought is, if I am nothing at all, my thoughts are definitely, without a doubt, dangerously good for his ego. Because he is a good friend this stays between us! He would never let me live this bullshit down!