A women fought her worst nightmare silently for months. Her Doctor had told her she may have breast cancer. After many months living with that statement running through her mind day and night it came to the point that no tests would give a definitive answer. The only way to know was surgery. She struggled with this putting off scheduling the consultation for surgery. She used all her energy daily hiding her emotions, finding places to cry in secret. If the people in her life and around her took the time to really pay attention you could see her pain and hear it in her voice, yet no one noticed, everyone was to busy wrapped up in their own lives.
Finally one day she got up and scheduled her consultation. The sleepless nights from worry had pulled her into a depression state. She knew the only way out was to know for sure if she had cancer or not. When she finished her consultation appointment she walked to her car in a zombie state. No tears, no thoughts, she just walked. When she sat in her car she picked up the phone and her finger swiped through the contacts, she sat the phone down and thought ‘alone again’. Alone in this life changing moment. She started to cry the tears pouring down her face. She wasn’t crying because she may have cancer, she cried because no one took the time to notice, to care about her. As she drove down the expressway she wondered why she cared so much. Why she was always drawn to notice others pain, why she always was drawn to make everyone else even for a moment feel better, to feel special. Yet in return no one did that for her. She thought maybe they do, just not with her. She obviously wasn’t good enough for people to notice her, to make her feel special. She felt the tug of loneliness and the depression made itself known. As this happened she felt herself smile as she looked out the car window and as she continued to look she seen something that made her feel empowered to carry on alone on this journey, fireflies.
At first it was just a few on the side of the road but as she drove the numbers grew. Each time she seen a group light up together she felt like they were cheering her on to move forward, making her feel empowered, making her okay with the fact no one noticed her. The groups of fireflies grew bigger and bigger as she drove until there were so many they illuminated the base of the tree line. She smiled, took a deep breath and wiped the tears from her face. She put her favorite CD in and turned it up. She begun to sing with the music, at first softly but as she continued to watch the fireflies grow and light her way, she found herself singing at the top of her lungs. As she exited the expressway the fireflies slowly disappeared. When she arrived home she didn’t want this moment to end but like any moment it had to end. She exited the car and felt the rush of anxiety and pain. She was alone again but deep down in that moment she knew she would keep those fireflies in her thoughts throughout this nightmare. It would be the only thing holding her from falling into the black hole of depression. It would be the next best thing to someone holding her hand.
Even though she would continue her days with people to wrapped up in their own lives. Even though through her pain she would continue to ease others pain, bring a smile to their faces and making them feel special with nothing in return, she knew she had her cheering squad, her fireflies.