I have BIG ideas sometimes, but when I put them in motion I don’t realize how much I’m taking on until I’m in it knee deep.
The way I feel in these moments is comparable to walking in lake water by a dock and sinking into the muck. The difference is that I can get out of the muck with just a little struggle, rinse myself off, and keep moving like it never happened. In reality I wind up standing in the metaphorical muck, struggling with my decisions, all while struggling to hold my head up high (out of the crap). All the while working hard to hold my insecurities and fears hidden behind a heavy cloak that’s wrapped around myself, keeping others from seeing my true thoughts and feelings. As I stand in the ‘muck’, struggling to reach the shore, I hope that when I get my bearings and have succumbed to the changes in my life that these new ideas and decisions have wrought, the struggle will end and I’ll emerge from the muck.
If this moment is finally reached, I will then no longer fear failure or have to admit that I made a poor decision. I know that, If I would have to admit either of those things, a part of me inside would die.