I came across an article called “17 Things To Expect When You Date A Girl Who’s Used To Being On Her Own” (article link below) and of course I was drawn to read it. I have been on my own for about 12 years and with that I know I have fallen into having my own routine and way of doing things, so I was very interested in what the writer’s thoughts on the subject were. Let’s take a moment and see how realistic the article was.
- ‘Expect her to do her own thing…doing what she wants, when she wants to.’ This is very true. I am used to picking up in a moment’s notice, jumping in the car and going, never having to check in or tell someone what I am going to do. I can decide not to go straight home from work and I can make plans that fill up every spare moment in my week while never considering anyone feelings. This is possible one of the hardest things to get used to when entering into the relationship world, considering someone else. You would think this would be easy, humans care about what others think and how they feel but after a long period as I have had, it actually is the hardest thing change.
- ‘She’ll probably want to take things slowly…not used to all the attention.’ This point needs a little more detail. What exactly do they mean by ‘attention’. I don’t think this would be a problem, it goes back to the first point, considering someone else and communicating what your doing.
- ‘Expect her friends to be overprotective of her… king of guy who will treat her well.’ I think this is a no brainer, of course friends do this and I think no matter how long you have been single it will always lead to your friends having a ’20 question’ session as my friends call it.
- ‘She’ll have a hard time letting you do things for her…hard for her to live in a world where she’s got someone else looking out for her.’ For me, this is my second biggest thing to overcome. I have done everything for the past 12 years or so by myself. I purchased my cars, my house, remodeled my bathroom, repaired my faucet, etc, by myself. It is hard to let go of the control and let someone else handle the situation. I find this so hard even to let go enough to let one of my friends help me. I try at times to let go, ask for help but more times than not I still end up doing it myself. This is because after all these years I am used to things getting done right then, not having to wait. I see something that needs to be done, I take care of it and then I move on. When you ask someone else for help you are on their schedule and this can be a hard thing to adjust to. I’ve even tried it out. I’ve called a friend and asked for help, then it eats me up because I know I could do it myself in that moment so I end up doing it and calling them back to tell them I actually completed the task. This makes me chuckle that I have tested this out to see if I can let go. I don’t have much faith in others to take the time to help me out, this stems from times I have asked and the person didn’t follow through so I have asked for help with things that I know are not pressing and I would put off for as long as I can. More times than not, the person does not follow through with the request. I still have a few things I have asked for help with that have to do with my car but the people have yet to look at. I don’t ask more than once, another thing one develops when they are used to taking care of things themselves. If they really wanted to help you, than they would remember you asked is my motto.
- ‘Expect her to be stubborn…let her win sometimes.’ I’m not too sure about this one. Do I think someone I am dating should expect me to be stubborn, I don’t think so. This is more of a personality trait not something that comes from being single in my opinion. I can be stubborn, everyone can be.
- ‘She needs to be left alone…she has more butterflies in her stomach than she knows what to do with.’ I will agree that getting back into a relationship after being single seems to be daunting and can cause one to be a little cautions but I don’t think you need to leave the person alone. I would say you shouldn’t be clingy but I believe this should be in any relationship not just in a situation with someone who has been single for awhile. You shouldn’t have to contact someone every time you decide to do something nor do I think you should have to spend every spare moment with the person. The two people in the relationship should have to do everything together.
- ‘Expect her to pull away from you…she’ll need time to think her feelings through.’ I think this one is backwards. Why would you get into a relationship only to pull away?
- ‘She’ll question you…about your feelings for her..to see if she’s making things up in her head.’ I believe if two people are in a relationship there is really no need to question each other to see what someone’s feelings are. They are with you so obviously you are not making anything up in your head.
- ‘Expect her to be headstrong…let go of the tight grip she seems to have on everything.’ This is a repeat of number four. When you are single it takes time to adjust to someone there and able to complete things.
- ‘She’ll be guarded…she’s hoping that you’re worth it.’ This goes for any woman. We are all hoping that the person we decide start seeing is worth it.
- ‘Expect her to be stingy with trust…Cherish these big steps.’ Trust is something that is earned over time and is hard to give complete without a long term relationship.
- ‘She’ll come across as strong…when you get to know her, you’ll know she’s strong but soft; tough but kind.’ I believe everyone puts out their strongest side at the beginning. You have to have trust in someone to show your softer, sensitive side.
- ‘Expect her to be reserved…and then you’ll see the beautiful open version of her.’ Again this is normal with any woman, even if she has been single for a long period of time. You have to get to know someone before you let them completely in.
- ‘She’ll be slow with her vulnerabilities…Clothe her with your words.’ No woman will show you her vulnerabilities right from the start. It takes time just as trust does. You have to have trust in someone to let this side show.
- ‘Expect her not to need you…But she’ll want you.’ The article goes on to talk about it becoming an exhilarating feeling when she needs and wants you. I think this goes both ways. Everyone wants to be needed and wants to be wanted. This will take time because when you have been single the only person you have needed is yourself. It is hard to let go of that.
- ‘She’ll be scared…to be hurt, to love and be loved.’ I believe everyone has these scared feelings, especially if you have been hurt in the past. At some point though, you have to take the chance, jump in feet first. A relationship will never last if you cannot put her scared feelings aside.
- ‘Being alone is her comfort zone…expect her to fall in love with you faster than she’ll admit.’ I is very true that you consider being alone your comfort zone when you have been single for a long period of time. It is your ‘safe zone’. A woman who is single could fall in love faster than she’ll be willing to admit but I think it takes longer for people that have been single for longer as the years desensitizes you from those feelings.
Starting a relationship after being single for a long period of time is hard. Finding your way and figuring out how the relationship can fit into your perfect world that you have created over the years is difficult. Keeping an open mind and willing to take a chance is important. If you start a relationship with someone that has been single for a long period of time, remember, be patient.
Check out the full article here: http://thoughtcatalog.com/kovie-biakolo/2014/10/17-things-to-expect-when-you-date-a-girl-whos-used-to-being-on-her-own/