Relationships have been the enemy in my life. My life feels as though it is full of gray lies. These gray lies have kept me right in this place, an arm’s length away from everyone. Never getting to close and never becoming too attached emotionally to another. These gray lies have clouded my vision and over the years have made me believe I cannot compete with the other women that surround me.
Is love as complex as are minds seem to make it? When I am looking at him I find myself seeing the truth that lies under the clothes he wears. Searching for the passion that I believe must be within him. When I let my gaze dwell upon him, I have to hold back my tears and brace myself for I feel faint. The ecstasy that I feel, I have never felt before, so profound. He is divine in my eyes, the emotion overwhelms me. The gray lies help me hide my feelings, keeping me safe from heartbreak, from rejection. It taunts me with these feelings, these thoughts that I care about him more than I have ever cared for someone before, but yet forces me to hold them in.
These gray lies taunt me. They make me aware I need complexity and passion yet I can’t get away from it so that I can delve into these emotions. It spares me from the reality that she is gorgeous and I am not and she is refined and I am not.
So is love as complex as our minds seem to make it? Yes, love is complex but if we could escape gray lies and be vulnerable for a moment in time, look into the others eyes and speak those words we long to speak, it could be the one most pure, passionate, freeing moment we would ever experience in our lifetime.