Life is about change. You have to face it head on. I know most of you have listened to someone in your life say those words. It is a true statement but what do you do when you don’t know what changed in your life, you just know something changed? How do you face it head on? What do you do if the change wasn’t something you could see but something inside you? How do you face it head on?
My lovely therapist has put me on hiatus from social media and limiting my socializing for 4 weeks. These 4 weeks is to essentially find myself or to find what is bothering me. Let me first start off by saying I am 5 days into this 4 week hiatus and I have more or less stuck to the plan. I have only been on my Facebook and Instagram page once so far. I have separated myself from my social networking pages before so this isn’t too hard. What is hard is the second thing she asked me to do, journal writing. You’re probably thinking, ‘Casey, you write all the time so this should be easy’. Well, I have found this not to be the case as my journal is blank.
Blogging and journal writing for me seem to be two completely different things, even though most of my blogging is my personal feelings and thoughts. When someone asks you to write about how you feel right now, in this moment and today overall or to write about what you want right now, in this moment and today overall, it’s not that simple. When you are asked to reflect on your writing by writing what you noticed when you read it, what you became aware of and how the overall piece made you feel, it’s not that simple.
So far on this 4 week journey I have found that I’m tired of trying to figure out what is going on in my mind. I’m tired of playing the ‘name your emotion’ game because I cannot pin point one emotion. At times I find it hard to even recognize what my current feelings are so I have decided that when I cannot pin point the emotion, when no descriptive word exists, I’m going to call that emotion ‘blah’.
If there was no descriptive word to explain how you feel, what word would you use?