Risky Business getting to the finish line alive and revitalized

Image from: Geralt on Pixabay
Image from: Geralt on Pixabay

Some people never make it to the finish line. They attend their therapy sessions and as things present themselves it can cause them to stop, turn around and run the other way before ever reaching the finish line. I have to admit that after the last few sessions I have thought about it. I have even envisioned myself getting up and walking out to never return again. The bottom line is the truth hurts and it seems to hurt more when a complete stranger presents it to you as though they are holding a neon sign with the truth to your troubles blinking in front of you. You have to pass by the sign to reach the finish line and some, me included, cannot muster up enough strength within to pass the sign and cross the finish line.

The questions presented to me in the handful of my sessions have forced me to contemplate my decisions I have made over the past 12 years. It has forced me to question my beliefs about many things.

  1. Fear of rejection – I may have convinced myself that being alone is a wonderful thing to avoid being rejected. By convincing myself of this ‘single life is great’ idea I will never have to feel rejected in any way.
  2. Rejecting myself – Though I may be having fears of rejection in turn this may be causing me to reject myself in the process. The fear of rejection may be causing me to lose value in myself. Wrapping myself up in others feelings and continually ignoring my own in the process.
  3. Fear of giving up – I may have a control issue. If I give up control somehow it means that I have to give up myself, the freedom I have to do what I want, when I want.
  4. Sabotaging – I may be finding faults with people who are right for me. With this comes finding ways to distance myself. Doing things to slowly push the person away by being busy, avoiding calls and texts. In those rare moments I find myself face to face with this person I act in a way that will slowly push them away.

When I think of these points presented to me it causes me to ask the greatest question, ‘what do I want to happen’.  The question ultimately must be answered at some point as a person can only appear as the ‘alpha’ for a short moment before the above points are revealed and the pain from holding them in becomes too great.

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5 thoughts on “Risky Business getting to the finish line alive and revitalized

  1. Very insightful. Thank you for sharing. Is to it interesting how our thinking perpetuated our actions and then our actions create the very thing we are afraid of in life? Figuring it our is the first step, the most difficult. But in my own walk, I have learned that I can’t just stop certain thinking…. I have to actually stop and then immediately fill the void with actions that are more positive and in the direction I need to be going. After a few years of focusing in what I was doing that causes me (and others) trouble, I was blessed to come across someone that said, “ok, now you know. What are you going to do about it? No more thinking, start a olan and do.” It seemed like such a simple concept, but it got me off my merry-go-round of pondering and self-perplexity and moved me along a beautiful journey. One day at a time, one intentional step at a time. We all have “stuff”. May you be greatly blessed in your journey ahead. Stick with it! And Thank you again for sharing.

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    1. It is amazing how such a simple concept can move us forward. Sometimes I get lost in all my pondering. Thank you for commenting and taking the time to read this post. This week I have found myself with a clear mind. I am enjoying it and definitely taking one day at a time.

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  2. Going to therapy is about the journey and not striving towards a defined conclusion per say. Keep at it, try to accept and process what is being discussed and use to to make positive changes in your life. Good luck!

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