Death of a friendship or whatever this may be.

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We have reached the fork in the road between love, like and hate. We are so scared to choose we pull away and look the other way. To scared to be lovers and to scared we will be made a fool of. We are too afraid to give it our all, to afraid to say “I like you” or “I love you”.

There are days we are close and some days we are distant. We find ourselves too far down the path to go back and to filled with fear to move forward. So we stand still holding a friendship that either went too far or not far enough. We will never put a ‘title’ on what we are because we have convinced ourselves it will just crumble. We have occupied a space in each other’s hearts for so many years, just to stand still in the place we feel comfortable. I deny how I feel but even the blind woman over there, can see I care. I’m afraid of dismantling this wall I have built, to only find loneliness and have to rebuild. This is why I stop before I let you in, I ignore love as if it was a bomb that would go off if I so much as glanced at it. I’m not afraid of commitment, I am afraid of not being enough. I am afraid of you being a central part of my days, I am afraid of what the ending may be. I am afraid of one day being given a last name and it not being the last, last name I will have.

It’s clear I know where I am going. After all these years it is time to decide if it is all or nothing. Because we can’t break down these walls and give it our all, we will always have a special love that could never be started. So with my conflicted mind, I bid you goodbye not able to look you in the eye.

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2 thoughts on “Death of a friendship or whatever this may be.

  1. This is depressing. Passing on happiness because of possible failure. Choosing never instead of fighting for forever. Denying Love because you fear it will turn to hate. Walk….because I guess Love isn’t for you. It’s for, those ready to die for their faith….

    Liked by 1 person

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