Bite Down, Swallow and Move On

Image From: Pixabay
                          Image From: Pixabay

Not too long ago I wrote a bog called “Just do it!”, but I never posted it. Well, I came across it today and when I reread it I broke out chuckling to myself. In it I wrote, ” Rejection, mistakes, disappointment? So what, I say just do it.” Just to be clear, that is the advice people give others but would never do themselves. Though, throw in a bottle of Sake and a glass of whiskey later nerves go right out the window. Needless to say, with liquid encouragement I took my own advice. Can you say epic FAIL! However, since a friend of mine is always trying to get me to look on the bright side, here are a few very import lessons that life beat into me:

Life lesson #1, never attempt to explain ones feelings while drunk! The alcohol loosens you up sufficiently enough to allow you to be able to initially express your feelings, but when sober and look back in hindsight and you recognize that, while you did say how you felt, your explanation lacked a few very important details! The problem lies in that now that you realize what you’ve done you CANNOT bring the subject back up! Hell no! Your game plan was to work on avoiding it like the plague! At this point your just praying and hoping the other person remembers NOTHING.

You drive home yelling at yourself in your head and park the car, taking a few moments to slam your head against the steering wheel while wondering why the tiny fairies are not there to whisk you away to their secret world so you can live forever in stasis, never having to face your poor decisions that, in the real world, will only eat at you.

Life lesson #2, when that person is fishing around for anything that has to do with your feelings, run. The outcome is never going to be good. If you can’t leave? Just pass out, give in and pass out quickly! This person is only fishing because of the pleasure they get out of the chase. I’ve been that person many times. I can attest to the fact that most of the time the attraction disappears pretty quick after you get confirmation that you knew it they had feelings for you, and when you are sure that you have the power, the ammo. Basically, the chase is over and the thrill is gone. Once you’ve won and the chase is over you, as the predator, have to figure out the best way to deal with all these messy feelings. This part sucks. I usually play the avoidance card, it works 90% of the time. For the other 10%, I switch between multiple tactics until the person is eradicated from my life completely.

I’m speaking purely as someone who avoids relationships at all cost. If your one of the 97% of people who wants someone to know your feelings, who wants a relationship, marriage, family… Then ignore this blog post completely. Jump right in! Let everything out, tell them everything, all your feelings. If your going to do it and possibly get rejected might as well give it 110%! Why half-ass it at that point?

If only I’d learned these lessons earlier… My fail.

My insecurities, I’ve determined, play a big part in how I consistently blow my life apart. I think it is time to admit it. It’s not going to change what I do, but perhaps it’ll help me be a little more prepared for the fall out. Even though my brain said no, the words just flowed out as easy as the liquor poured in. “I like you.” I thought to myself, Really? I really just laid my card on the table and laid it bare for him to see.

Even though in a way I want to explain what that means, what “I like you” means, I won’t. I can’t. Instead I will convince myself this was a mistake, the feelings a lie… I will put these feelings back in my mouth like my favorite Lindor’s milk chocolate truffle. I will roll it around in my mouth, dissolving the soft outside, oh so softly sucking on it, till I reach the center and once I have gotten to the deep down feelings I’ll bite down, swallow and move on with life, just like before…

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