Girl’s Guide to Three-Way

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If you have just stumbled upon the Girl’s Guide to my Online Dating series, this is a series documenting an experiment to see if my married friends are right, that joining a few dating sites will match me with my prince charming. The series shows you the good, the bad and the ugly from my experience. To start at the beginning of the Girl’s Guide to Online Dating, click here.

Week Three – Three-Way

Another busy week on the online dating scene for me! As the weeks go by I become more amazed at what men are willing to put into a message. Let’s get right to it.

This week started off with some refreshingly ‘normal’ messages.

beautiful-eyes

beautiful

It was a change from emails asking me to share the NSFW kind of pictures and trying to win me over with invitations to Burger King.  It’s almost enough to overlook the use of the word ‘beautiful’. But of course these ‘normal’ types of emails are always short lived.

 

By Tuesday night the messages moved quickly from ‘normal’ to ‘lets get dirty’.

friends-with-benefits

He got to the point quick and pointed out he would be patient, how sweet of him. He is even open to answering any questions or concerns I might have. When I read that sentence I immediately thought of purchasing things on eBay. When you buy used equipment on eBay you have to ask the obvious questions such as “Does it still work like new?” or “How many times has it been used?” I read an article on Friends with Benefits once and it did tell me that you need to have a partner that is experienced in the ‘friends with benefits’ department, and he obviously meets that requirement.  Maybe?

 

This looks innocent enough, right?

something-different

WRONG! When this man said ‘something different’, he wasn’t playing around. His profile explained how he was strictly into BDSM and would be happy to educate any fine ladies on the concept.  Quite the segue, check out my profile if you want something different… like whips and chains.

 

Bonus Message, the best message I got, the creme de la creme!

 

dom

Yes, you are reading it correctly. This message came from a couple who is looking for a three-way.

I told you on Tuesday the messages moved quickly from ‘normal’ to ‘lets get dirty’. By the end of the week I had an inbox full of BDSM messages and even came across a profile created by a married man, who had a girlfriend and was looking for someone on the side. Or would that be on the side of the side?

 

All hope may be lost. Stay Tuned…

 

 

Do you have experience with online dating? Share your story, the good, the bad or even the ugly in the comments below. 

 

Haven’t had the pleasure reading the Girl’s Guide to Online Dating Series? No worries, just follow the links below.

Girl’s Guide To Spank Me Like an Avocado

Girl’s Guide To Burger King Dating

Girl’s Guide To Online Dating Profile Don’ts

 

 

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Girl’s Guide to Burger King Dating

wedding-night-1145419_1280

 

If you have just stumbled upon the Girl’s Guide to my Online Dating series, this is a series documenting an experiment to see if my married friends are right, that joining a few dating sites will match me with my prince charming. The series shows you the good, the bad and the ugly from my experience. To start at the beginning of the Girl’s Guide to Online Dating, click here.

Week Two – Burger King Dating

This week felt like a repeat of last week. Keeping up with my inbox felt like I had another full time job. No one told me finding my prince charming would be so much work.

Lets jump into this weeks picks by discussing this guy’s age and honesty.  (Two points for each use use of the word ‘though’.)

age

I liked how he was honest that he knew I may not be looking for someone his age. Spot on! He was older than my father and I don’t have daddy issues so I had to pass.

I went from retiree to Mr. I don’t want to get to know you.

sexy-pics

I respect people who get to the point quickly but dang I’m not easy! He could have started the conversation off with a ‘hello’ at least. Trying to be polite, I responded with ‘no, I don’t share pictures’, at which point he decided to offer me pictures of him.  The NSFW kind. Yeah, I think I’ll pass on that too.

I did find a Prince Charming, one who wanted to save me from all the ‘internet lame’s’?

capture1

Hmm… He wants to save me and whisk me away from these ‘bumps’. What in the world are ‘bumps’?! He is a pretty confident guy who hasn’t even talked to me, yet has already determined what I need and that I will fall madly in love with him instantly (upon talking to him).

 

 

Bonus Message, the best message I got, the creme de la creme!  This guy’s offering me the world!  More than saving me from bumps!

burger-king

 

 

This could be promising. Stay Tuned…

 

 

Do you have experience with online dating? Share your story, the good, the bad or even the ugly in the comments below. 

Haven’t had the pleasure reading the Girl’s Guide to Online Dating Series? No worries, just follow the links below.

Girl’s Guide to Spank me like an Avocado

Girl’s Guide to Online Dating Profile Don’ts

 

 

Girl’s Guide to Online Dating Profile Don’ts

 

 

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If you have just stumbled upon the Girl’s Guide to Online Dating series, this is a series documenting an experiment in seeing if my married friends are right, that joining a few dating sites will match me with my prince charming. The series shows you the good, the bad and the ugly from my experience. To start at the beginning of the Girl’s Guide to Online Dating, click here.

Online Dating Profile Don’ts – Profile Pictures

Profile pictures are important as it is one of the first impressions made to the potential mate reviewing a profile. The dating apps allows the user to browse through profiles and swipe away people they don’t like while using the toilet. All they see is the profile picture so it’s obviously important. This should be something everyone knows but as I have seen browsing profiles, not everyone seems to know this. Lets take a look at some of the don’ts I have came across this week.

  1. Blurry selfies – Why? What would make a person believe that a blurry picture of themselves would be a good idea? Blurry selfie profile pictures is just a FAIL!
  2. Half naked to might as well be naked profile pictures – Please, leave nothing to the imagination and prove to people viewing your profile picture that you are probably full of yourself and or that body in the picture is all you have to offer.
  3. Sideways profile pictures – Okay, not everyone is technically savvy but downloading a sideways picture is a big no-no. Sideways pictures show you half-ass things and no one wants a mate who does things half-ass.
  4. Pictures with your ex with their face scratched out – Is this the only picture you had that you thought was decent enough to share? It didn’t come across your mind that you could just take a picture of yourself with the selfie feature on your smartphone or ask someone to take a picture of you?
  5. Nostril shots – No one wants to see up your nose! I think that makes my point clear.
  6. Pictures of things – Did you forget that you’re on a dating site, where people are looking for mates? News Flash! People are not on a dating site to date a car or a building. I know… who knew!
  7. Pictures of a group – I’m sorry, I love the game ‘guess who’ but I don’t want to play ‘guess who’ you are when checking out your dating profile.
  8. Uploading stock photos – Really, you are not fooling anyone, we know that isn’t you.
  9. Inside pictures –  If your room is not clean and you can clearly see your hot mess of a room in the background, just say no. Your profile picture clearly shows you don’t put any time in cleaning and your life is probably just as messy as that room you took that picture in.
  10. Mirror selfies – Where do I start? First, make sure your mirror selfie isn’t blurry. Second, make sure the background is decent and Three, never take a public restroom mirror selfie… EVER!

 

If you are now on an online dating site or if you are thinking of jumping into the online dating world, you should remember to take focused pictures of just yourself while dressed and the most important thing is the background in your picture, it MATTERS! First impressions are everything!

 

Do you have experience with online dating? Share your story, the good, the bad or even the ugly in the comments below. 

 

Girl’s Guide to Online Dating Series

Girl’s Guide to Online Dating

Girl’s Guide to Spank me like an Avocado

Girl’s Guide to Spank me like an Avocado

wedding-night-1145419_1280

 

If you have just stumbled upon the Girl’s Guide to Online Dating series, this is a series documenting an experiment in seeing if my married friends are right, that joining a few dating sites will match me with my prince charming. The series shows you the good, the bad and the ugly from my experience. To start at the beginning of the Girl’s Guide to Online Dating, click here.

Week One – Spank me like an avocado

This week could be defined as ‘fast and furious’ it only took a day for my inbox to fill up with all the emails from men wanting me to realize they are my prince charming. I was surprised at how many men spent their time messaging me with both very little effort or way too much effort, which at times took a weird twist. Lets jump into this weeks picks.

 

First, let’s discuss this guy’s use of the word ‘neighbor’.  To be honest, this was a little creepy for me.

capture

He’s not my neighbor.  Well, I certainly hope not anyway. I wouldn’t want to date someone in my neighborhood because I could never get away from them, and what happens if they turn out to not be my prince charming??  Can you say, ‘Awkward’.

I had to go from that creepy message to a horny 24-year-old!

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Clearly he did not look at my profile because it states my age requirement is in the mid 30’s. The dating site’s matching abilities FAILED.

Then, the best message I got, the creme de la creme!

capture

His message made me laugh until I cried. I wonder though, is that something he wishes to do to a woman or was that a legitimate email he received?  I was so intrigued that I went to look at his profile.  From his profile he was what I would consider a normal guy, who likes normal guy things.  I guess that’s why profiles can be deceiving.

At that I was just done for a while.  Not to mention my phone was dinging every minute!  I already know I hate this.

So, I survived week one and feel I’m nowhere near closer to finding that prince charming I was promised. I did find out guys like to take pictures of their bare chests, and then make them their profile picture. I also learned there are many guys who like to email the same generic message, “Hi, you’re gorgeous” or “How are you”. Maybe they all email the same thing because they read it on the internet somewhere, in some ‘how to’ article. Except, it doesn’t make me want to respond.  I’m not drawn in.  If it was a ‘how to’ article, I think that article failed a large part of the male population.

This week I will be going through more emails and checking out some profiles the dating site has matched me with. Supposedly my prince charming is out there waiting for me, or so my married friends have told me.  Apparently they’re on this site that says it has found over 70 matches for me.

This could be promising. Stay Tuned…

 

 

Do you have experience with online dating? Share your story, the good, the bad or even the ugly in the comments below. 

 

 

Girl’s Guide to Online Dating

wedding-night-1145419_1280

 

Finding prince charming and securing your future has become a daunting task these days with social media outlets, dating phone apps and dating websites taking the place of the good old fashion “get drunk and take someone home with you forever” method. I’m not a personal fan of online dating but if I was looking for a mate, realistically it would be my best option since all of my friends have been married for what feels like centuries. What about their friends, you ask? Well, what I have learned from having married friends is, for the most part, their friend circle is filled with a majority of married couples. Sometimes, when I think about it, I think there is a secret unspoken rule that when you’re married you are only allowed a certain percentage of friends who are single and the percentage seems to be set extremely low. Once a couple gets married they seem to turn their attention to their single friends in hopes they can get them chained to a mate quickly, because they too should experience the supposed ‘wedded bliss’ marriage brings into ones life. This is where the single person answers the call from their married friends which consist of a lot of talking, on the friends part, about why the one flying solo should be using an online dating site. Lets take a moment and look at some of the reasons my married friends have told me why I should be using online dating websites, and lets not forget about those dating phone apps too.

  1. Using a dating site will speed up the process you have to go through to find a lifelong mate. – Essentially what they are saying is scrolling through profiles is like the screening process directors go through to choose an actor for a role in a movie. If I don’t like their head shot and bio, I can just swipe them away because you should be able to tell exactly what type of person they are by a short written description. And of course everyone is completely honest when answering dating site questions and filling out their profiles.  No one would hide things or omit details of course, all you will see is complete raw honestly. I think not. Meeting a person in a public setting isn’t going to gain you better insight into who they are as a person.
  2. You are guaranteed to find a mate using online dating, they match your responses to questions with other people’s responses. – Okay, I can say this makes sense on a small level, you want your mate to be interested in things you like to do, but what about opposites attract? Personally I love everything about myself but do I want to have a mate that is exactly like me? No. One of the things I like to do to relax is crochet. Do I want a mate that crochets? No, this is something I like doing alone sitting on the couch watching reruns of Gas Money Garage on the Discovery Channel.  By myself.
  3. You can see what the guy looks like before deciding to meet them. – Sounds judgmental but lets be honest here, looks matter. When finding a lifelong mate you need to be attracted to them in someway.  I believe that’s reality. What I think is overlooked, is that we live in a world with a program called Photoshop. Now, their response to my mentioning Photoshop is that men don’t use Photoshop. Awe, but wait, in the google store there is a Fake Abs Pic Editor and it shows it has been downloaded and installed 50,000 times but men don’t use Photoshop, right? Photoshop aside, even I look different in person than I do in untouched photos. That light was in just the right place when the picture was taken. I don’t walk around holding a lamp at just the right angle to highlight my face.

When you don’t analyze the online dating apps, I suppose they seem like a good option. It is a directory of all the single people in the world, right at your fingertips. The world has become consumed with using items that lesson their workload and bring convenience into their lives. There is nothing more convenient than being able to take a poop while searching the directory of single people and being able to swipe away the undesirables with just your thumb.

I’ve decided to conduct an experiment to see if my married friends are right and joining a few dating sites will match me with my prince charming. I have signed up for a few dating sites and will be coming back here to blog about my online dating experience. I will share my messages with you and I will be fair, in that, I will share the good, the bad and the ugly.

Stay Tuned…

 

Do you have experience with online dating? Share your story, the good, the bad or even the ugly in the comments below. 

Haven’t had the pleasure reading the Girl’s Guide to Online Dating Series? No worries, just follow the links below.

Girl’s Guide to Spank Me Like an Avocado

Girl’s Guide to Burger King Dating

Girl’s Guide to Online Dating Profile Don’ts

 

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