Girl’s Guide To Shy Guy

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I met a guy. I know, surprising right. He’s really nice but boy o’boy is he SHY! I’ve never dealt with someone who is shy so I reached out to the old trusty google to learn a bit about ‘shy guys’. My search brought me to wikiHow. I have read wikiHow articles before and they always make me chuckle. The things they tell you and their step by step instructions are hilarious at times. But I’m desperate to learn how to deal with shy guys so I took time to read the article so I might just have a chance to at least gain another close friend or maybe something more?

  1. Build trust to draw him out of his shell. – More like break his shell with a sledge hammer and pull him out with all your strength as he clutches on to his shattered shell of a home. I’ve known this gentleman for 2 years, trust has been built, he’s still in that shell – obviously loving it in there.
  2. Give him time, a week, to get all that silence out of him. – That is some solid advice because we all know we need to give people time to let that silence slowly work through and out their system. No, I think NOT! I needed real advice, not cartoon kid advice! But I will play along since I am here. 3 weeks, is that long enough? Each time we talk it is followed with a week or two if not longer of no contact, and then we talk, and it just repeats the same pattern.
  3. When talking to him, talk about him. – Now this will be an interesting conversation, nothing about me and my life or the weather, just talk about him. I don’t think so.
  4. Make the first move, ask him to do something. – Been there, done that. He is always busy. We see each other but it’s not because him or I asked each other to do something. The article continued on to say that some guys are scared to make the first move. This guy is FROZEN!

 

Finally the article states to keep asking because he may need time to cope. Are you kidding me?!?! Cope? Cope with what, someone asking him to do something? Someone initiating a conversation with him? It isn’t like I told him I only had 6 months to live! Having a conversation with someone or doing something with them are not situations I believe someone needs time to cope with.

I’m in the same place I was before reading this advice article. Lost in the weeds trying to find my way through this weird friendship with a shy guy.

 

Have you ever had to deal with a shy guy? Did you give up or did you manage to yank them out of their comfy shell?

 

 

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Romancing the Social Media Newsfeed

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“Periodically throughout the year my social media news feed makes me throw up in my mouth a little, yep, it happens.” -Casey King

I’m stepping out of the closet today. I’m letting my true feelings come out. I’m going to scream from the top of the highest building for everyone to hear. I love romance! I adore romance! I wish I could surround myself, rub it all over my body and drink romance 27/7. It is such a beautiful thing, I eat, sleep and breathe romance. It saddens me to know there are people in the world that haven’t experienced romance and may never in their life time. Why are we having a telethon for starving children, when we should be having a telethon to raise money for the millions of innocent people who live without romance in their lives.

Alright, enough of that rubbish talk, I am not a lover of romance. I am also not a fan of when my Facebook friends try to romance my news feed. How do they romance my news feed, here are some prime examples:

  1. I Love You Posts – These are the repetitive posts about how much the person loves their significant other. These posts can also be accompanied by selfies of the two of them.
  2. Relationship Status Changes – This is when people make it ‘Facebook Official’. Updating their relationship status to ‘In A Relationship’ with someone they just met 30 minutes ago.
  3. Engagement Posts – These posts are where they post awkward photos of them and their significant other accompanied by the 100 reasons why they love them so much. Engagement posts also include many of photos of the woman’s ring on her hand.
  4. Wedding Posts – These posts are where they post the hundreds of their photographers pictures and in addition all of their guest pictures. You see these posts accompanied with the ‘I love my spouse’ comments and the news feed is full of this for at least a month.
  5. Relationship Conversations – I love these, who wouldn’t? This is when people in a relationship utilize their social media posts to have conversations with their significant other. They use this outlet as if it was a way to text each other. They have conversations such as asking ‘what’s for dinner’ or to inform the other that their is a need to purchase toilet paper.

There is nothing hotter than social media news feed romance, my stove doesn’t even come close to heating up as hot as this type of romance does. Romance is just beautiful people, just fabulously beautiful!

Barracuda

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Do you find the fact that I am a full time working professional, homeowner and a responsible parent a little too much to swallow? Am I overwhelming? If the little bit of information you’ve gotten about me thus far causes you to feel that way then you should hold on tight because those three things don’t even touch on the person I am. These days I find people meeting each other in person and starting a meaningful relationship just doesn’t happen often. Most grab their device and turn toward the digital world where it’s easy to flip through hundreds of pictures in search of a superficial relationship all while using the bathroom. This type of wooing and romance is only allowing people the opportunity to hide behind what can be typed into a profile, or that perfect picture that took them 100 tries to get, all which serves to draw someone to you. Let’s not forget the power of that unleashes when meeting people the old fashioned way, when you look into their eyes and just connect.

How can online dating ever provide that magical moment?
Let’s imagine: You approach me at the gym. Immediately my thoughts are that you must be desperate, or possibly that you think this is the worst I can look, all sweaty and red in the face, and things can only go up from there. Right? Wrong. Work out me is definitely only the runner up in the Worst Me contest. First place would be how I roll out of bed at 4 AM for work. My hair all disheveled, face au natural with the worst breathe of the day. Anyway, back to the gym; we have a conversation while you’re pretending to know how to use the elliptical machine while I am actually using it properly. You toss out the strategically placed ‘come-ons’, which in my opinion are lacking a little pizazz. I’m in a good mood and feeling nice though, so I overlook it and give you a chance.
Normally I don’t except invitations from strangers for dates, we live in a dangerous world, but since it would be dinner in a public place, why the hell not. My dating life has been a little lacking lately and who knows, this just could be something special. (I’m laughing at myself as I write this because I am such a pessimist when it comes to dating and relationships.)
The evening of the big date comes, dinner at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants, Los Amigos. Dinner actually goes over well; the conversation went a lot better than I expected even though we were polar opposites. While they say opposites attract, I think there is a point were two people can be too ‘different’ still, so far so good. When they served our dessert, (Mexican fried ice cream, yummy), I knew our lovely encounter was coming to a close but I could sense that he thought this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. I knew this night could go one of two ways. First, with me saying goodnight and him disappointed that I was calling it a night so I could go home and put on my fuzzy pajamas and get all cozy in my nice big bed. Or, the second option, a trip to the bar, drinking and the infamous ‘walk of shame’. Seeing as I’d already had a fun filled night of partying the previous night and I was still trying to piece together all the antics and recover, I wasn’t sure I was up for another. As I contemplated my answer, deciding what to do and feeling like the previous night of fun left me feeling lackluster I thought to myself, ‘Well Bob show me what is behind door number 2! Again, this is not normally something I do, so to say that I was a little surprised by my answer is an understatement, but really… I was told prior that ‘I could do better’ well maybe this was my better. Let’s just throw caution to the wind and do this! So, still feeling the effects from my night prior, I just let go, that lovely thing called liquor made it easy enough.
So, without posting the nitty gritty, let’s just say that before I knew it the time was 7:00 AM and I had shown him every inch of my barracuda personality. (Side note: Barracuda by the Hearts is an awesome rock song from the 70’s!) I suppose one could say that the next morning brought the walk of shame, but the reality is that I left him in a state of pure confusion on everything that had happened and drove myself home. He is probably still chewing on what happened and trying to decide if he can even stand what he probably calls my sarcastic, overbearing personality, but that I call independence, educated and strong opinions. I doubt he’s the type of man that can handle that. (Annnnnnd, there’s the pessimist.)
I figure the chances of him calling or approaching me again are slim as most people are extremely intimidated by me and most men rarely have it in them to step up to the plate again. There have been a few so maybe this will be different, but I doubt it.
Do I regret it? Not at all. My new outlook on life is if you don’t go for it you will never know, so just do it!

 

The Relationship Grave

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I knew a girl once who believed in love.  A girl who could clearly envision herself married to someone for the rest of her life; having someone to love, to share affection, respect and companionship with. Someone in her life to give a simple compliment or embrace when needed.  Fresh out of high school and she believed that she had found ‘love’ with the man she was dating.  She believed he was ‘the one’, that one person she would spend her life with.  Sadly, she slowly lost the youthful ideals of true love.  The truth of her relationship was not that perfect fantasy that she longed for, the actuality was consumed by verbal and physical abuse, and repeated acts of unfaithfulness.  Then, at 21, her life was permanently changed upon the arrival of a beautiful baby boy.  She made the mistake that many young women in love do, believing that the birth of their child would fix everything that was wrong in their relationship.  The truth, utter devastation when one day she arrived home only to find that the person she had invested more than 4 years of her life with had left.  She was alone and left her holding all the responsibility.  Unknowingly then, this moment would change everything.  She would slowly dig a grave for herself as she matured, letting this history cloud her views on men and relationships. This girl was me.

You see, the ground was broken on my grave when I swore off relationships.  I didn’t need a relationship; I decided that I could do everything on my own.  Never again would I let a man suck my self-esteem out of me and hurt me so completely.  Never again would I surrender and allow myself to feel that deeply for another man again.  I made sure that I would always stay at the ‘safer’ distance, ensuring that I was never again the victim of the dreaded painful feelings that I associate with relationships.  Friends with benefits was it, this was the way I would stay in control.

Truthfully, it didn’t come naturally.  The process of getting intimate physically, while holding back emotionally was rocky to start.  You see, while I was good at projecting confidence, the reality was that I had very low self-esteem.  However, once I had a few casual sex partners under my belt I realized that I enjoyed it!  The hunt, as I call it, became addicting.  The act of finding the next friend, drawing them in, using them to satisfy my needs and then, “poof”, making them disappear from my bed felt empowering.  I was in control.  I had gotten so good at withholding my emotions from sex that I could easily come to an agreement with a long term friend, let them into my sexual “test kitchen”, and then end it without any notice and back to friends we were.  Like a mutually beneficial business arrangement, or that’s how I always saw it.  Now on their end, quite often it left them wondering what they did, why it ended when it was ‘so great’, but that was their issue, by the time they realized it was over I had already moved on. I began to see having friends with benefits like candy.  More time than not it was delicious and addictive.

The reason that I call it my ‘grave’ is that with every conquest the pit I was in grew deeper and deeper.  I have always been so focused on making sure that I would not be hurt that I never let true feelings develop that I didn’t notice that the ‘hunt’ was taking me to greater and greater lengths.  It became not only about the sexual encounter but also about the “stuff” (Flowers, gifts, dinners, trips, etc).  I felt strong and justified because these men knew what they were signing up for prior to the first encounter.  I was always very clear and honest right from the start.  If they felt I was worthy enough to shower with gifts, then so be it, I would accept with open arms.  At times this did cause a conflict, as some believed that by the accepting a gift meant we were in a relationship, or that they were owed something deeper.  However, it never changed the terms of our agreement for me.  In fact, my reaction was always that those pesky emotions and feelings were just getting in the way of a beautiful arrangement.

These types of relationships took me through my twenties and into my early thirties.  Even today, casual sex with friends is still predominantly the only type of intimate relationships that I have.  I am still in the game.  So, what is the point to this if I am still in emotionless relationships?  Reflection.  I had a moment when, for the first time in a long time, I looked at a man and found myself imagining a life.  In all honesty, it is neither a life that I think I deserve nor one that I even still believe in.  I thought myself such a fool to have even let myself pretend to go back down that road.  Still, I couldn’t help but imagine that fantasy, the same dreams I had in high school.  I realized that there’s a part of me that still wants it.  I wanted loyalty, companionship, attention and compassion from this man.  I didn’t want to lure him in with my bait and switch, for the first time I wanted him to want me for more.  I didn’t want restrained or manipulated love; I wanted a love that comes of its own will, its own timing.  I couldn’t figure out why I wanted this out of the clear blue. This was not the way I had schooled myself to think.  This couldn’t be me and I wouldn’t let it be me.  I had gone down this road and found it full of anxiety, emotional pain, rejection, sadness, and guilt.  I swore I would not let myself feel that way again.  So, I again rejected the idea of ‘more’ and kept my feelings in check the best I could and work through it until the weakness that gave these feelings is free from my body.

Alone, when I can’t hide from myself in activity, I realize how complete my grave is and how deeply I am in it, all the way at the bottom.  I imagine that climbing out would be akin to fingertips bloody from scraping at the steep dirty walls.  My fear of rejection is so ingrained that I am not sure that I would even be capable of telling another man who I feel something deeper for them.  I have worked so hard to build a life of rejecting first that I have very little experience with relationships or risk.  While I can defend my actions whole heartedly, sometimes I find myself unhappy with my romantic life, because the fact remains that in ‘friends with benefits’ there really isn’t any romance at all.  It’s just sex.   I fear breaking out of my pattern and searching for someone to share my life with.  I fear living a life of constant rejection and living the rest of my days alone while my friends and family move forward.  I am at a crossroad.

Single, Anti-Relationship, Are they just Man-Haters?

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Man-haters are a whole different breed from people such as myself who just enjoy living the single life and carry an anti-relationship point of view. When you are with or near a man-hater the temperature drops about 10 degrees and the tension in the room can become suffocating.

Argumentative –

Man-hater: They cannot let men be right, even if it is insignificant. If a man said it, they will disagree every time.

Anti-relationship: Disagreements are not constant with the woman who are living single. They respect men and their opinions.

Negativity –

Man-hater: They can drag you down a road engulfed with misery. Their bitterness towards men and the constant comments against them are overwhelming.

Anti-relationship: Negativity is not a normal occurrence with this group. And when they have a moment of negativity towards a man, it is administered in a normal dose size.

Selfishness –

Man-hater: When it comes to men they are a selfish extremist. If they given the chance they will swoop in with full intentions of taking a man for all he is worth and making them as miserable as possible.

Anti-relationship: Everyone is selfish at one point or another. They have no evil or malicious intentions when they become selfish.

Friends and Family –

Man-hater: They don’t have male friends and if they do it’s very few. When it comes to family you may find they don’t have a close relationship with their father nor the other men in their families. They don’t discriminate when it comes to their man-hating views.

Anti-relationship: For the most part they have good relationships with their father and other men in their families. They have many friends in their circle who are men.

People who are living the single life or are also anti-relationship have no judgement of men. It is more about the empowerment they receive from doing things independently, knowing they need no one to make their life extraordinary. People living single seek respect not attention like the man-hater.

Be the trendsetter this Valentine’s and tag yourself as #ProudSingleton2016

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Be the trendsetter this Valentine’s and tag yourself as #ProudSingleton2016

We all know how Valentine’s Day turns out to be a complete emotional nightmare for all of us! The Singletons! It’s not like we are not happily single and confident with the status, but a fortnight right before the D-day i.e. 14th of February the entire universe around us tries to shatter the confidence that we singletons build in the remaining 364 days of the year. And continues the vicious circle! But this year I have decided to keep myself and my single-status readers safe and help find solace in solitude with these hilarious facts and my #ProudSingleton2016 suggestions.

1. You will be quite surprised to know that Valentine’s Day is also celebrated as Happy Singles Awareness day! So the entire goal of the Happy Single awareness day is to show the world how awesome it is to be single! Love, pamper and care for yourself because 364 days of love is better than 1 day of love.

2. There has been much debate on which is the better status, being single or being committed. Coming from a single woman perspective I don’t think I have to say it aloud. In fact it is so much evident that sometimes my brain just unconsciously misspells ‘committed’ as ‘complicated’.

3. Did you know that the average cost of Valentine’s Day is $160? I am sure you can clearly see where the money flows, from purchasing the right valentine gift to the best champagne for the evening and from the branded attire to the day-long salon charges. Thus save money, switch to single!

4. Have you heard these songs? Jason Derulo’s Riding Solo or Independent Women Part 1 by Destiny’s Child or I don’t need a Man by The Pussycat Dolls or Beyonce’s Single Ladies!!! If it wasn’t for us singles, who were these songs made for? So compile the ‘Single’ collection this Valentines’, put it on full volume and shatter the glass windows of your next door-always-nagging-neighbor.

5. Shower yourself with materialistic Love, this suggestion is for those who recently joined the singleton club. We understand that you are yet to strengthen your being-single confidence and thus require artificial support! So go and order the heart-shaped pizza only for yourself and binge on chocolates and ice-cream buckets.

Be wild this Valentine! Well I don’t think the bed is the only place to be wild silly! Pack your back-pack; invest on a trekking shoe and taking your levels of fitness to the next level…go hiking. Trust me, falling in Love will be defined to you again and this time the love will be forever.

10 Things to romance your way into her heart


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What happened to old school sentiments and gestures?

There is something about old school romantics. You don’t have to do something big, the simplest things are the most romantic. I believe over time we have forgotten this fact.

1. When a man takes a women out to dinner and asks what she would like then orders it for her.

2. When a man has a single flower for the women when they meet. (Traditionally it would be a rose but I say ‘a flower’ because I don’t like roses.)

3. A hand written letter or card left in the women’s mailbox or on the door step.

4. A surprise gentle kiss on her neck when you first see her.

5. Surprising her with a meal you cook just for her.

6. Stopping by her house unannounced to have a cup of coffee.

7. Holding the door open for her.

8. Placing your hand on the small of her back while walking.

9. Surprising her with a drive on the country roads taking in the scenery.

10. Asking her over to enjoy a movie and a comforting cuddle session on the couch.

It is actually crushing when you think about how old school gestures have died off. Our children and there children after them will never know what true romance is. They will believe romance consists of costly gifts and sex. Unfortunately, it already seems that it has turned out to be just that in my generation.