Girl’s Guide To Shy Guy

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I met a guy. I know, surprising right. He’s really nice but boy o’boy is he SHY! I’ve never dealt with someone who is shy so I reached out to the old trusty google to learn a bit about ‘shy guys’. My search brought me to wikiHow. I have read wikiHow articles before and they always make me chuckle. The things they tell you and their step by step instructions are hilarious at times. But I’m desperate to learn how to deal with shy guys so I took time to read the article so I might just have a chance to at least gain another close friend or maybe something more?

  1. Build trust to draw him out of his shell. – More like break his shell with a sledge hammer and pull him out with all your strength as he clutches on to his shattered shell of a home. I’ve known this gentleman for 2 years, trust has been built, he’s still in that shell – obviously loving it in there.
  2. Give him time, a week, to get all that silence out of him. – That is some solid advice because we all know we need to give people time to let that silence slowly work through and out their system. No, I think NOT! I needed real advice, not cartoon kid advice! But I will play along since I am here. 3 weeks, is that long enough? Each time we talk it is followed with a week or two if not longer of no contact, and then we talk, and it just repeats the same pattern.
  3. When talking to him, talk about him. – Now this will be an interesting conversation, nothing about me and my life or the weather, just talk about him. I don’t think so.
  4. Make the first move, ask him to do something. – Been there, done that. He is always busy. We see each other but it’s not because him or I asked each other to do something. The article continued on to say that some guys are scared to make the first move. This guy is FROZEN!

 

Finally the article states to keep asking because he may need time to cope. Are you kidding me?!?! Cope? Cope with what, someone asking him to do something? Someone initiating a conversation with him? It isn’t like I told him I only had 6 months to live! Having a conversation with someone or doing something with them are not situations I believe someone needs time to cope with.

I’m in the same place I was before reading this advice article. Lost in the weeds trying to find my way through this weird friendship with a shy guy.

 

Have you ever had to deal with a shy guy? Did you give up or did you manage to yank them out of their comfy shell?

 

 

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Single to Married in 5.2 Seconds

Is it in the water?

Your single, life is good; everything is quiet and content among all of your single friends. Suddenly POOF! One after another they start abandoning the safety of the single circle and step to the dark side and enter the engaged circle. Your comfortable with your single status and with one after another of your single friends abandoning you, of course marry-me-1044416_1920it makes you think about what would cause them to leave the satisfying single life. The obvious answer is the drinking water is contaminated and is messing with their brains, causing them to believe the dark side is their best option. The only option you have to fight the dark side from taking over your brain is to avoid the water!

As your friends fall deeper into the dark side you will be subjected to all your conversations with them to consist of them trying to convince you that the dark side is where you should be. This will then evolve into them trying to attempt to hook you up with the first available mate they can find.  As time goes on you will find yourself questioning if they are right, marriage can’t be all that bad, maybe it really is better than the single life. You MUST fight these thoughts or you too will find yourself trapped in the dark side. You have to remind yourself what the single life provides you.

  1. Independence – You never have to tell someone where you are going or what you are doing.
  2. Compromising – You never have to choose between doing something you want to do because your mate wants to do something else. You can do what you want, when you want too.
  3. Feelings – You don’t have to worry about asking your mate what’s wrong when they look all mopey. The only feelings you have to be concerned about are your own.

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The engaged will try all types of tactics to pull you in and convenience you that taking the plunge into the marriage abyss is your only choice. Your social network news feeds will be plastered with engagement photos of rings on their fingers. They will hope this tactic makes you think “when will it be your turn? and “why are you not engaged?”

To make sure you avoid the dark side, the marriage abyss you must remind yourself when your on your social network news feeds that the big shiny ring their mate bestowed on their hand doesn’t make everything in their life better; they are now on a road filled with anxiety, doubt, and breakdowns.

If you can stay strong and committed to the awesome single life you live, you will see the posts will lesson and the attempts to hook you up will stop as they will be so consumed with their wedding and new life. The dark side will have convinced them that your a loss cause and you can carry on with your good comfortable and satisfying single life.

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10 ways to ensure you will never have a relationship

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Relationships can look wonderful from the outside, once you enter into the realm of the relationship world you realize that the people turn into the incarnation of Satan.  That is why I put together this handy little instructional blog to help prevent you from allowing things to escalate past the safe zone.

 Things you will need:

A small pad of paper

Good writing utensil

An infatuation

Instructions:

  1. Insult – Use that pad of paper and your writing utensil to catalog anything about the person you could use as an insult.  You should have three categories for your insults; light hearted, moderate and downright nasty.  That way you are armed with an array of ammunition to spice up your encounters with your infatuation each time you see them.  As an added bonus, having an array of insults helps to prevent becoming predictable and who wants to be that!
  2. No Touching – Never EVER, under nearly any circumstances, touch in any way shape or form! This is very important, so pay attention!  It’s said that a person’s touch reveals a lot about their feelings, and if that is true then the neon sign popping out of your head when touching would scream “INFATUATION”, which would absolutely not be good long term.
  3. Avoidance – This is a tricky one, of course you want to see your infatuation and you even enjoy stewing in the pot while watching them coo-cooing over their new flavor of the week, but it’s more about finding a balance.  Never sit on the same couch, side of table, shit not even on the same side of the room as them.  If you do you may find your subconscious slowly and secretively scooting your butt in their direction.  Trust me, this happens so simply don’t do it!  Keep yourself busy, pay attention and interact with your infatuation only for a moment and then move on quickly to any other conversation with someone else.  NEVER make eye contact.  This will only draw you in and that is exactly what we’re trying to avoid!
  4. Giving – I like to think that most people have a giving nature, so I assume that you do too.  Wonderful, but never show this to your infatuation.  This is generally looked at as a ‘good quality’.  You cannot have good qualities as this will likely draw them in and may cause them to think you are a sweetheart, Heaven forbid!
  5. Interested – Listen without looking too interested, and NEVER give advice.  This could lead to them looking at you as a good sounding board, which may lead to them calling you for more advice. This would bring the two of you closer, and definitely would cause your feelings to show through.
  6. Sharing – Do not share what is going on in your life or your feelings.  Remember you are the insulter, not the sharer.  Keep your personal feelings to a minimum and make any personal topic as generic as possible.  Remember also, you are always having a good day!  People like to make others feel better, but if you’re always having a great time there is nothing to make better.
  7. Alone – Hello!  This should be easy!  Never should you be alone with this person!  If you find yourself left with them, find a reason to leave the room quickly.  Feel free to pop in now and then to admire your infatuation quickly, but then slip back out of the room hopefully without being seen watching them.  Being alone with someone would open the door to those personal things or ask you questions you shouldn’t answer.
  8. Sensitive – Show sensitivity at all times.  People say they like sensitive people but this is a load of bull.  They really like the leather wearing, whip wielding sadists.
  9. Alcohol – Don’t drink with your infatuation.  This can cause the leather wearing whip wielding sadist in you to show through and they may run away or stick to you like glue, neither of which is your goal.
  10. On a final but very important note! –  If your infatuation is ever single limit your time with that person to nearly nil.  Go out of your way to avoid them like the plague!  If they don’t have a significant other to keep their attention, they are more apt to try to speak with you and to get to know you better as a person. Yuck! Why would anyone want that!

Romancing the Social Media Newsfeed

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“Periodically throughout the year my social media news feed makes me throw up in my mouth a little, yep, it happens.” -Casey King

I’m stepping out of the closet today. I’m letting my true feelings come out. I’m going to scream from the top of the highest building for everyone to hear. I love romance! I adore romance! I wish I could surround myself, rub it all over my body and drink romance 27/7. It is such a beautiful thing, I eat, sleep and breathe romance. It saddens me to know there are people in the world that haven’t experienced romance and may never in their life time. Why are we having a telethon for starving children, when we should be having a telethon to raise money for the millions of innocent people who live without romance in their lives.

Alright, enough of that rubbish talk, I am not a lover of romance. I am also not a fan of when my Facebook friends try to romance my news feed. How do they romance my news feed, here are some prime examples:

  1. I Love You Posts – These are the repetitive posts about how much the person loves their significant other. These posts can also be accompanied by selfies of the two of them.
  2. Relationship Status Changes – This is when people make it ‘Facebook Official’. Updating their relationship status to ‘In A Relationship’ with someone they just met 30 minutes ago.
  3. Engagement Posts – These posts are where they post awkward photos of them and their significant other accompanied by the 100 reasons why they love them so much. Engagement posts also include many of photos of the woman’s ring on her hand.
  4. Wedding Posts – These posts are where they post the hundreds of their photographers pictures and in addition all of their guest pictures. You see these posts accompanied with the ‘I love my spouse’ comments and the news feed is full of this for at least a month.
  5. Relationship Conversations – I love these, who wouldn’t? This is when people in a relationship utilize their social media posts to have conversations with their significant other. They use this outlet as if it was a way to text each other. They have conversations such as asking ‘what’s for dinner’ or to inform the other that their is a need to purchase toilet paper.

There is nothing hotter than social media news feed romance, my stove doesn’t even come close to heating up as hot as this type of romance does. Romance is just beautiful people, just fabulously beautiful!

Barracuda

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Do you find the fact that I am a full time working professional, homeowner and a responsible parent a little too much to swallow? Am I overwhelming? If the little bit of information you’ve gotten about me thus far causes you to feel that way then you should hold on tight because those three things don’t even touch on the person I am. These days I find people meeting each other in person and starting a meaningful relationship just doesn’t happen often. Most grab their device and turn toward the digital world where it’s easy to flip through hundreds of pictures in search of a superficial relationship all while using the bathroom. This type of wooing and romance is only allowing people the opportunity to hide behind what can be typed into a profile, or that perfect picture that took them 100 tries to get, all which serves to draw someone to you. Let’s not forget the power of that unleashes when meeting people the old fashioned way, when you look into their eyes and just connect.

How can online dating ever provide that magical moment?
Let’s imagine: You approach me at the gym. Immediately my thoughts are that you must be desperate, or possibly that you think this is the worst I can look, all sweaty and red in the face, and things can only go up from there. Right? Wrong. Work out me is definitely only the runner up in the Worst Me contest. First place would be how I roll out of bed at 4 AM for work. My hair all disheveled, face au natural with the worst breathe of the day. Anyway, back to the gym; we have a conversation while you’re pretending to know how to use the elliptical machine while I am actually using it properly. You toss out the strategically placed ‘come-ons’, which in my opinion are lacking a little pizazz. I’m in a good mood and feeling nice though, so I overlook it and give you a chance.
Normally I don’t except invitations from strangers for dates, we live in a dangerous world, but since it would be dinner in a public place, why the hell not. My dating life has been a little lacking lately and who knows, this just could be something special. (I’m laughing at myself as I write this because I am such a pessimist when it comes to dating and relationships.)
The evening of the big date comes, dinner at one of my favorite Mexican restaurants, Los Amigos. Dinner actually goes over well; the conversation went a lot better than I expected even though we were polar opposites. While they say opposites attract, I think there is a point were two people can be too ‘different’ still, so far so good. When they served our dessert, (Mexican fried ice cream, yummy), I knew our lovely encounter was coming to a close but I could sense that he thought this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. I knew this night could go one of two ways. First, with me saying goodnight and him disappointed that I was calling it a night so I could go home and put on my fuzzy pajamas and get all cozy in my nice big bed. Or, the second option, a trip to the bar, drinking and the infamous ‘walk of shame’. Seeing as I’d already had a fun filled night of partying the previous night and I was still trying to piece together all the antics and recover, I wasn’t sure I was up for another. As I contemplated my answer, deciding what to do and feeling like the previous night of fun left me feeling lackluster I thought to myself, ‘Well Bob show me what is behind door number 2! Again, this is not normally something I do, so to say that I was a little surprised by my answer is an understatement, but really… I was told prior that ‘I could do better’ well maybe this was my better. Let’s just throw caution to the wind and do this! So, still feeling the effects from my night prior, I just let go, that lovely thing called liquor made it easy enough.
So, without posting the nitty gritty, let’s just say that before I knew it the time was 7:00 AM and I had shown him every inch of my barracuda personality. (Side note: Barracuda by the Hearts is an awesome rock song from the 70’s!) I suppose one could say that the next morning brought the walk of shame, but the reality is that I left him in a state of pure confusion on everything that had happened and drove myself home. He is probably still chewing on what happened and trying to decide if he can even stand what he probably calls my sarcastic, overbearing personality, but that I call independence, educated and strong opinions. I doubt he’s the type of man that can handle that. (Annnnnnd, there’s the pessimist.)
I figure the chances of him calling or approaching me again are slim as most people are extremely intimidated by me and most men rarely have it in them to step up to the plate again. There have been a few so maybe this will be different, but I doubt it.
Do I regret it? Not at all. My new outlook on life is if you don’t go for it you will never know, so just do it!

 

The Relationship Grave

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I knew a girl once who believed in love.  A girl who could clearly envision herself married to someone for the rest of her life; having someone to love, to share affection, respect and companionship with. Someone in her life to give a simple compliment or embrace when needed.  Fresh out of high school and she believed that she had found ‘love’ with the man she was dating.  She believed he was ‘the one’, that one person she would spend her life with.  Sadly, she slowly lost the youthful ideals of true love.  The truth of her relationship was not that perfect fantasy that she longed for, the actuality was consumed by verbal and physical abuse, and repeated acts of unfaithfulness.  Then, at 21, her life was permanently changed upon the arrival of a beautiful baby boy.  She made the mistake that many young women in love do, believing that the birth of their child would fix everything that was wrong in their relationship.  The truth, utter devastation when one day she arrived home only to find that the person she had invested more than 4 years of her life with had left.  She was alone and left her holding all the responsibility.  Unknowingly then, this moment would change everything.  She would slowly dig a grave for herself as she matured, letting this history cloud her views on men and relationships. This girl was me.

You see, the ground was broken on my grave when I swore off relationships.  I didn’t need a relationship; I decided that I could do everything on my own.  Never again would I let a man suck my self-esteem out of me and hurt me so completely.  Never again would I surrender and allow myself to feel that deeply for another man again.  I made sure that I would always stay at the ‘safer’ distance, ensuring that I was never again the victim of the dreaded painful feelings that I associate with relationships.  Friends with benefits was it, this was the way I would stay in control.

Truthfully, it didn’t come naturally.  The process of getting intimate physically, while holding back emotionally was rocky to start.  You see, while I was good at projecting confidence, the reality was that I had very low self-esteem.  However, once I had a few casual sex partners under my belt I realized that I enjoyed it!  The hunt, as I call it, became addicting.  The act of finding the next friend, drawing them in, using them to satisfy my needs and then, “poof”, making them disappear from my bed felt empowering.  I was in control.  I had gotten so good at withholding my emotions from sex that I could easily come to an agreement with a long term friend, let them into my sexual “test kitchen”, and then end it without any notice and back to friends we were.  Like a mutually beneficial business arrangement, or that’s how I always saw it.  Now on their end, quite often it left them wondering what they did, why it ended when it was ‘so great’, but that was their issue, by the time they realized it was over I had already moved on. I began to see having friends with benefits like candy.  More time than not it was delicious and addictive.

The reason that I call it my ‘grave’ is that with every conquest the pit I was in grew deeper and deeper.  I have always been so focused on making sure that I would not be hurt that I never let true feelings develop that I didn’t notice that the ‘hunt’ was taking me to greater and greater lengths.  It became not only about the sexual encounter but also about the “stuff” (Flowers, gifts, dinners, trips, etc).  I felt strong and justified because these men knew what they were signing up for prior to the first encounter.  I was always very clear and honest right from the start.  If they felt I was worthy enough to shower with gifts, then so be it, I would accept with open arms.  At times this did cause a conflict, as some believed that by the accepting a gift meant we were in a relationship, or that they were owed something deeper.  However, it never changed the terms of our agreement for me.  In fact, my reaction was always that those pesky emotions and feelings were just getting in the way of a beautiful arrangement.

These types of relationships took me through my twenties and into my early thirties.  Even today, casual sex with friends is still predominantly the only type of intimate relationships that I have.  I am still in the game.  So, what is the point to this if I am still in emotionless relationships?  Reflection.  I had a moment when, for the first time in a long time, I looked at a man and found myself imagining a life.  In all honesty, it is neither a life that I think I deserve nor one that I even still believe in.  I thought myself such a fool to have even let myself pretend to go back down that road.  Still, I couldn’t help but imagine that fantasy, the same dreams I had in high school.  I realized that there’s a part of me that still wants it.  I wanted loyalty, companionship, attention and compassion from this man.  I didn’t want to lure him in with my bait and switch, for the first time I wanted him to want me for more.  I didn’t want restrained or manipulated love; I wanted a love that comes of its own will, its own timing.  I couldn’t figure out why I wanted this out of the clear blue. This was not the way I had schooled myself to think.  This couldn’t be me and I wouldn’t let it be me.  I had gone down this road and found it full of anxiety, emotional pain, rejection, sadness, and guilt.  I swore I would not let myself feel that way again.  So, I again rejected the idea of ‘more’ and kept my feelings in check the best I could and work through it until the weakness that gave these feelings is free from my body.

Alone, when I can’t hide from myself in activity, I realize how complete my grave is and how deeply I am in it, all the way at the bottom.  I imagine that climbing out would be akin to fingertips bloody from scraping at the steep dirty walls.  My fear of rejection is so ingrained that I am not sure that I would even be capable of telling another man who I feel something deeper for them.  I have worked so hard to build a life of rejecting first that I have very little experience with relationships or risk.  While I can defend my actions whole heartedly, sometimes I find myself unhappy with my romantic life, because the fact remains that in ‘friends with benefits’ there really isn’t any romance at all.  It’s just sex.   I fear breaking out of my pattern and searching for someone to share my life with.  I fear living a life of constant rejection and living the rest of my days alone while my friends and family move forward.  I am at a crossroad.

Because I Said So

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Over the last 15 years I have learned many things. I’ve found myself, and I’ve really lost myself. (You may say you can’t really lose yourself, but trust me that after a few bottles of wine you can misplace yourself in the blink of an eye.) I’ve loved people, and then lost those people too. (Not from the wine though.) I’ve met people, and I have missed opportunities to know people that one day I could miss.

I’ve been a mother, a friend, a boss, a daughter, a sister, a mechanic, a plumber, an electrician, a house keeper, a painter, a landscaper, a chauffeur and a cheerleader. Boy o’boy, the list goes on and on. Throughout these last 15 years I’ve been so many things and by doing all of those things I have had triumphs worthy of trophies, (I’m still waiting for the delivery of these trophies but rest assured I earned them, and they are big trophies not those small ones everyone gets for just participating these days.) I’ve made mistakes by doing what I thought at the time was surely the right thing, and on the same hand I’ve made mistakes by doing what I knew was the wrong thing. I’ve experienced happy moments, sad moments, and I’ve visited (at times frequently, like, multiple times in a day) the bottom of the darkest and deepest pits. I’ve thought, ‘Well, of course this is happening to me, I deserve it’.  I’ve thought, ‘Why me’.  On an occasion or two, or three, or okay many times, that it was very possible I was living in the twilight zone. I’ve dreamt of a richer life, of fame, of happiness, of revenge and of things better than the moment I was living in at the time. I’ve loved, I’ve hated, I’ve carried around resentment, I’ve forgiven and I’ve forgotten. (Mostly forgotten because I have a really bad memory, lucky for me and those people I dreamt of getting revenge from.)

What is my take away from the last 15 years? What could possibly be so important that little old me would feel the need to sit down and tell you? Yes, normal me, with a normal life, normal career and normal friends would have something important to say? Well here it is, so listen up because I’m only going to say this once. (Okay, I’m only going to type this once.)

YOU MAKE YOUR LIFE WHAT IT IS.

I know what you are thinking.  You have heard that about a million times, in a million inspirational videos that have taken up prime real-estate on your social news feeds, but hear me out. What I have to say is better than any of those videos. (They probably tell you that in their videos too, but it’s not true.)

You can dream of a better life, better friends, better career but you will never get it, because it will probably be something that only plays on your dream play list. Only when you take responsibility, and take hold of your own life will you move forward in life. You are the only one who controls you. If you’re waiting around spending your days wondering why, holding onto your past by replaying those dark moments in your life, you will never move forward. You will never achieve those dreams on your play list, and you will never be truly happy.

If you are waiting around for someone to fix your situation, someone who will swoop down like superman to save you from the life your living; or thinking, ‘If only someone would come and help you’, you’re wasting not only your time but your life. You are the only person with the power to change your situation, change your thought process, and move your life forward. Until you are able to recognize and truly see the moment you are living right now, you will never move forward. You will never carry anything but hatred for what your life has become and what you have become. You have to accept what your life is and who you are right now. You have to forgive the people and situations that have wronged you. You have to stop waiting and start moving forward. The sooner you find acceptance, the sooner you can reach your true potential and say hello to happiness again. Life will beat you down, make you cry, call you names.  Life is a bully, and if you sit around and don’t participate in what is needed to get you up and moving forward life will have you chained down and duck taped to that chair you occupy. (If this is what you choose, you better hope that chair you occupy is one of those comfy, cozy lazy-boy chairs because you will be there for an eternity and your butts sure going to start getting sore, if it isn’t already.)

Forgiving the life that has bullied you doesn’t make it right, or make life the winner. It makes you right and you the winner. By committing to your dreams and passions, by being fearless, you cannot fail.

YOU WILL SAVE YOURSELF

YOU WILL FIX YOURSELF

Being committed and fearless will be the most amazing thing you will ever experience. It is empowering to be independent and experience success, no matter what aspect it is. One day you too will be patiently awaiting those trophies to arrive.